No one parents exactly the same, and part of parenting is realizing you can do things your own way, not how you were raised, or how your friends or community do it. That freedom can feel empowering and even exhilarating at times. However, as we all know, parenting decisions are riddled with judgment.
One mom of grown children recently shared on TikTok that she refused to require her kids to do one specific thing growing up, and she’s getting some backlash for it. “This is the first time I am saying this out loud, and I’m actually admitting to it, and yes, I’m doing it over the internet,” says Ruth, a mental health therapist.
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TikTok Mom Comes Clean About Her Parenting Choice
She says that her kids were never made to do chores- any chores, nothing at all. “While raising children, my kids never did dishes, not even once, never did laundry, never cleaned their bathrooms, no vacuuming. Basically, they never did any chores other than take care of their own things.” She continued, “I’ve never said it out loud or told anyone, because I was insecure about it, and uncertain if I was doing the right thing. I mean, what if my kids did grow up to be the lazy, entitled slobs that everybody said that they would?”
She admitted she sometimes worried she was being an “irresponsible” parent because so much parenting advice emphasized teaching kids chores and responsibility early on. But she consciously chose a different approach because she wanted her children to fully experience childhood while they could.
“I just wanted them to enjoy the time that they had as a kid,” she said. “Chores were going to be something that they were going to do for the rest of their lives.”
She added that childhood is “the only time where you’re going to have this much time to devote to yourself,” and she wanted her children to have that rare freedom for as long as possible.
@ruthhantherapy♬ original sound – Ruth | Mental Health Therapist
My mom was a stickler for chores. My sister and I rotated dishes and sweeping/dusting every other day, and on Sundays, my mom handled both. She was also a single mother working two jobs, so it would’ve been unrealistic not to help.
With my kids, I introduced simple chores early, like dishes, sweeping, and feeding the animals when they were in preschool, but I didn’t require anything consistently until they were around 8 or 9, and I offered a small allowance as an incentive. By the time they were about 12, they were doing their own laundry.
I wanted to teach self-sufficiency in the things they’d eventually have to do anyway, and also show them that effort can translate into earning money.
Kids Only Get One Childhood
I can’t say it’s better than Ruth’s approach; it’s just different. Every parent makes choices based on what they genuinely believe is best for their children, and I understand her reasoning. I love the way she thought about the fact that kids will spend the rest of their lives doing chores and responsibilities, so why not let childhood feel a little lighter and happier while it lasts?
Similarly, my mom always said you only get one childhood, and it should be happy. But of course, she didn’t factor in chores as a source of unhappiness. As an adult, cleaning actually calms me down when I’m stressed or anxious. I can’t even begin to unpack that one!
Ruth says one reason she’s finally opening up about this now is because she feels empathy for younger parents navigating the nonstop pressure and judgment on social media. Seeing constant messages about what parents “have to do,” she said, would have made her deeply question herself as a mother.
“I do not think I would have been able to survive the comparison trap and the guilt trips,” she admitted, explaining that she often felt “so inadequate” simply because she chose a different parenting style.
Calling it “the first time I am saying this out loud,” she added with relief, “and yes, I’m good.”
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